That voice in your head can be a bully, but like the champ you are, you know how to deal with bullies. This story was beautifully written and I’m glad you “won”. You keep telling your stories. You wear your heart on your sleeve and you deserve to be heard. I love you more than you’ll ever know.
It’s weird how similar your description of your days as a yacht chef sounds to my days teaching college students. I guess it’s the combo of ADHD, severe inner critic, sensitivity, and serving highly entitled people (rich kids school). And how similar your writing life sounds to mine. Tortured. I have no answers for it. But you’re doing good work, and I appreciate it.
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, golden or otherwise.
I was around a handful of them at a time on a boat. You had a classroom full of them. I don't know which is harder, honestly.
But I do know that when someone's been raised to believe money puts them above you, it doesn't matter where you are. It's the same dynamic.
Thank you for this Charlice. Your comments are always thoughtful. It's hard to write in a way that makes a connection with the person reading it. It makes my day when you tell me you did.
I too hear the little voices in my head and believe every word!!! When I hear those voices it is usually when I am going to ,"in my mind", face a firing squad - which is what I feel when I have to meet new people. My ritual is to retreat to a stall or hide out in my car until my mini panic attack subsides and I talk myself down before heading into the crowd and looking and acting like it is all a total breeze.... I totally fake it!One afternoon, I found myself sharing this with my then boss. We were talking about how we handle ourselves in front of crowds, especially those moments where you have to speak and mingle. I confessed the truth that I actually hate meeting new people. I told her that the second I leave a conversation, I'm convinced that eyes are rolling behind my back and/or practically hear them saying "Thank God she's gone". I told her that I believe every word that little voice in my head tells me. I've held onto all the nasty little thoughts I picked up in childhood and I've never let them go.My friend-my boss was absolutely stunned. She looked at me in disbelief, explaining that the confidence I project was actually one of the main reasons she hired me. She reminded me that during my interview, I had been honest about having no clue how to work their programs and having never worked in an educational setting before. She hired the person she saw, not the fear I felt.The next day after our conversation she handed me a gift: a book titled You Are A Badass. Her message was clear: I needed to stop standing in my own way and stop doubting my greatness.Now, here I am. I've been single for almost twenty years, and having hit the milestone of sixty, I decided to try my hand at dating apps.. :/ Talk about jumping from the frying pan into the fire! It is the ultimate test of putting yourself out there for judgment and rejection.But every time I hear that old, familiar voice trying to bring me down, I have to stop. I remind myself to get out of my head and out of my own way. I have to remember that I AM a badass even if I have to fake it until I finally believe it!
Betty Jo, I remember having conversations about this around a campfire or something. There might have been wine coolers involved. You are so charming, energetic, and positive. But still, your voice is trying to talk you into believing something different.
The truth is, the people we think are judging us usually aren’t even thinking about us at all. And if they are, there’s a much better chance what they are thinking is positive. Because why wouldn't it be! If they are judging you, a screw has clearly come loose somewhere. It has everything to do with them, and nothing to do with you.
I also just want to tell you how wonderful it is that you’re taking the time to read my essays. You said in a comment a few weeks back that you were moved by my vulnerability. The fact that you recognize it, and that your thoughtful comments reflect your own vulnerability right back—that’s the mirror I mention in my bio!
I'm super charged because it's a lot harder than I ever expected to tell a story while actually trying to connect with the person reading it. I may not get it right all the time, but when I do, it feels really great to hear about it.
So thank you. I'm truly grateful. I appreciate you! Keep reading, and responding!
-R. Michael
(P.S. We should collaborate to write the story of how we met and became friends all those years ago!)
That voice in your head can be a bully, but like the champ you are, you know how to deal with bullies. This story was beautifully written and I’m glad you “won”. You keep telling your stories. You wear your heart on your sleeve and you deserve to be heard. I love you more than you’ll ever know.
Thank you Jackie. It makes my day when I hear that you enjoyed my writing. You're the best!
It’s weird how similar your description of your days as a yacht chef sounds to my days teaching college students. I guess it’s the combo of ADHD, severe inner critic, sensitivity, and serving highly entitled people (rich kids school). And how similar your writing life sounds to mine. Tortured. I have no answers for it. But you’re doing good work, and I appreciate it.
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, golden or otherwise.
I was around a handful of them at a time on a boat. You had a classroom full of them. I don't know which is harder, honestly.
But I do know that when someone's been raised to believe money puts them above you, it doesn't matter where you are. It's the same dynamic.
Thank you for this Charlice. Your comments are always thoughtful. It's hard to write in a way that makes a connection with the person reading it. It makes my day when you tell me you did.
-R. Michael
Aww, it makes my day to hear that. ❤️
Really enjoyed the article. I have always assumed that everyone had those voices. 😊
You and me both.
Writing it actually sent me down a Google rabbit hole, turns out some people genuinely don't have that kind of internal chatter. I had no idea.
My ADHD diagnosis last year kind of reframed a lot of that for me. Those thoughts are what inspired me to write this peace..
I'm glad you won that round.
Great article!! I totally relate. Probably ADHD too. Definitely an HSP. Looking forward to more great reading!! Thanks ❤️
Thank you for this. When something I've written lands for someone else, it honestly keeps me going. That's the whole point of doing it every week.
Fake it till you make it...
I too hear the little voices in my head and believe every word!!! When I hear those voices it is usually when I am going to ,"in my mind", face a firing squad - which is what I feel when I have to meet new people. My ritual is to retreat to a stall or hide out in my car until my mini panic attack subsides and I talk myself down before heading into the crowd and looking and acting like it is all a total breeze.... I totally fake it!One afternoon, I found myself sharing this with my then boss. We were talking about how we handle ourselves in front of crowds, especially those moments where you have to speak and mingle. I confessed the truth that I actually hate meeting new people. I told her that the second I leave a conversation, I'm convinced that eyes are rolling behind my back and/or practically hear them saying "Thank God she's gone". I told her that I believe every word that little voice in my head tells me. I've held onto all the nasty little thoughts I picked up in childhood and I've never let them go.My friend-my boss was absolutely stunned. She looked at me in disbelief, explaining that the confidence I project was actually one of the main reasons she hired me. She reminded me that during my interview, I had been honest about having no clue how to work their programs and having never worked in an educational setting before. She hired the person she saw, not the fear I felt.The next day after our conversation she handed me a gift: a book titled You Are A Badass. Her message was clear: I needed to stop standing in my own way and stop doubting my greatness.Now, here I am. I've been single for almost twenty years, and having hit the milestone of sixty, I decided to try my hand at dating apps.. :/ Talk about jumping from the frying pan into the fire! It is the ultimate test of putting yourself out there for judgment and rejection.But every time I hear that old, familiar voice trying to bring me down, I have to stop. I remind myself to get out of my head and out of my own way. I have to remember that I AM a badass even if I have to fake it until I finally believe it!
Betty Jo, I remember having conversations about this around a campfire or something. There might have been wine coolers involved. You are so charming, energetic, and positive. But still, your voice is trying to talk you into believing something different.
The truth is, the people we think are judging us usually aren’t even thinking about us at all. And if they are, there’s a much better chance what they are thinking is positive. Because why wouldn't it be! If they are judging you, a screw has clearly come loose somewhere. It has everything to do with them, and nothing to do with you.
I also just want to tell you how wonderful it is that you’re taking the time to read my essays. You said in a comment a few weeks back that you were moved by my vulnerability. The fact that you recognize it, and that your thoughtful comments reflect your own vulnerability right back—that’s the mirror I mention in my bio!
I'm super charged because it's a lot harder than I ever expected to tell a story while actually trying to connect with the person reading it. I may not get it right all the time, but when I do, it feels really great to hear about it.
So thank you. I'm truly grateful. I appreciate you! Keep reading, and responding!
-R. Michael
(P.S. We should collaborate to write the story of how we met and became friends all those years ago!)