I had the same experience; constant exhaustion when my kids were young. Of course, a job and kids alone can do that to anyone. But this was extreme. For a time, I slept for hours as soon as I got home, just like your mom. When I forced myself to stay awake, which was usually, exhaustion made me impatient and distant. I felt like a terrible mother, carried constant guilt around about it. Since the ADHD diagnosis, I’ve grieved over what my kids and I missed during those years. But, like you said, at least I know why. When the grief wells up, I also call up self-compassion for the woman I was during that time. I know I was giving it everything I possibly could.
Charlice, thank you for sharing this. I felt this so deeply. That combination of exhaustion and guilt is brutal, and it’s so easy to look back and judge yourself with information you didn’t have at the time. I really love what you said about self-compassion for the woman you were back then. That’s the part I’m still learning too. And yes, at least now we know why.
I now realize disability is not being a lazy arse that never tries hard enough, and is a big baby, on purpose. Of course we never think that about other disabled people. Just ourselves. Somehow it never clicks that disability is genuine disability, not just when other people have it, but also when it's ours.
Beautiful post! And so relatable. It is so common for parents to have questions and/or seek diagnosis after their kids are diagnosed. There is a stat on this I need to find. 💖 I remember also being chronically tired and I thought it was just because I was on so many soccer teams! haha. Looking back it was much deeper than that. I was not diagnosed until 30 and I had many “a ha” moments. Thank you for writing this!
Thank you Jen. It's been really interesting, in a good way, to reflect on the past. Especially, when I get to do it with my mom. We're both learning so much about ourselves and each other.
Once i found out, for sure... I dug in to find out more. The best I could do was start a collection of videos that felt like me. After a few months I began to see the patterns. I realized I'm not the only one who has had this experience. I started talking about it with my family when I went to visit. They were no longer denying me and had to listen whether they wanted to or not. It started to sink in with my Dad and after many conversations Mom started to participate. 2.5 years in. I'm in my 50s sorting out my childhood, but so are my parents. ....
The video thing is great. Were you collecting videos from the past, or making new ones and saving the ones that felt most like you?
The more I interact with others who are in my age group and were diagnosed later in life, the more I’m finding I think I’m kind of glad that it happened that way.
I feel like I’m able to have a certain perspective or knowledge of myself that I wouldn’t have had when I was younger, if that makes sense?
I have a playlist on you tube for AuDHD. Some videos are OLD, the original one that made me say. WAIT. WHAT?! HOLD THE FREAKIN PHONE! was from an Aussie professor from like 10 years ago. But he described in 30 minutes my entire life in a nutshell. Many of them are late diagnosed you tubers who slowly filled my feed. Many of them are still pretty YOUNG ( and literal cry because their life could have been so different. Mmm.) So now I'm trending towards Substack and Medium where there are more middle aged late diagnosis. More relatable.
I dont know about having more wisdom later in life. I've been on the hunt my whole life for whats wrong with me. It wasnt until i got my diagnosis that I could begin to figure out who I really am. I think I've done some of the mental hard work prior to the diagnosis, so I have been able to unpack and integrate some if the unmasking - more efficiently than I would have earlier in life. Also 5 years ago there just wasnt as much information as there is now. It would have taken longer than a couple YT binge sessions. Lol. 🙏🏽
I had the same experience; constant exhaustion when my kids were young. Of course, a job and kids alone can do that to anyone. But this was extreme. For a time, I slept for hours as soon as I got home, just like your mom. When I forced myself to stay awake, which was usually, exhaustion made me impatient and distant. I felt like a terrible mother, carried constant guilt around about it. Since the ADHD diagnosis, I’ve grieved over what my kids and I missed during those years. But, like you said, at least I know why. When the grief wells up, I also call up self-compassion for the woman I was during that time. I know I was giving it everything I possibly could.
Charlice, thank you for sharing this. I felt this so deeply. That combination of exhaustion and guilt is brutal, and it’s so easy to look back and judge yourself with information you didn’t have at the time. I really love what you said about self-compassion for the woman you were back then. That’s the part I’m still learning too. And yes, at least now we know why.
I now realize disability is not being a lazy arse that never tries hard enough, and is a big baby, on purpose. Of course we never think that about other disabled people. Just ourselves. Somehow it never clicks that disability is genuine disability, not just when other people have it, but also when it's ours.
Beautiful post! And so relatable. It is so common for parents to have questions and/or seek diagnosis after their kids are diagnosed. There is a stat on this I need to find. 💖 I remember also being chronically tired and I thought it was just because I was on so many soccer teams! haha. Looking back it was much deeper than that. I was not diagnosed until 30 and I had many “a ha” moments. Thank you for writing this!
Thank you Jen. It's been really interesting, in a good way, to reflect on the past. Especially, when I get to do it with my mom. We're both learning so much about ourselves and each other.
Once i found out, for sure... I dug in to find out more. The best I could do was start a collection of videos that felt like me. After a few months I began to see the patterns. I realized I'm not the only one who has had this experience. I started talking about it with my family when I went to visit. They were no longer denying me and had to listen whether they wanted to or not. It started to sink in with my Dad and after many conversations Mom started to participate. 2.5 years in. I'm in my 50s sorting out my childhood, but so are my parents. ....
Thank you for sharing this, Heather.
The video thing is great. Were you collecting videos from the past, or making new ones and saving the ones that felt most like you?
The more I interact with others who are in my age group and were diagnosed later in life, the more I’m finding I think I’m kind of glad that it happened that way.
I feel like I’m able to have a certain perspective or knowledge of myself that I wouldn’t have had when I was younger, if that makes sense?
I have a playlist on you tube for AuDHD. Some videos are OLD, the original one that made me say. WAIT. WHAT?! HOLD THE FREAKIN PHONE! was from an Aussie professor from like 10 years ago. But he described in 30 minutes my entire life in a nutshell. Many of them are late diagnosed you tubers who slowly filled my feed. Many of them are still pretty YOUNG ( and literal cry because their life could have been so different. Mmm.) So now I'm trending towards Substack and Medium where there are more middle aged late diagnosis. More relatable.
I dont know about having more wisdom later in life. I've been on the hunt my whole life for whats wrong with me. It wasnt until i got my diagnosis that I could begin to figure out who I really am. I think I've done some of the mental hard work prior to the diagnosis, so I have been able to unpack and integrate some if the unmasking - more efficiently than I would have earlier in life. Also 5 years ago there just wasnt as much information as there is now. It would have taken longer than a couple YT binge sessions. Lol. 🙏🏽