Because Love Asked Me To
A father's tribute to the woman who inspires him most.
Last weekend, watching Emily stand at the center of a day so completely filled with love, it struck me that there are many kinds of adventures.
Some are wild and loud, mountains climbed, borders crossed, storms weathered in a too-small trailer. Others are quieter. The kind that happen when you stand up in a room full of people, heart racing, voice trembling, and say something that matters.
When my daughter Emily asked if I wanted to give a toast at her wedding, she was so sweet about it. she made it clear it was entirely up to me. I told her to plan on it, but not to hold me to it. The truth is, I was instantly terrified. Public speaking is not my thing. In fact, the idea of it usually sends me running in the opposite direction, especially when there’s any risk of crying in public (which, if you know me, is always).
But this time, I said yes.
Because this wasn’t just any moment. This was the moment. Emily, my daughter, my fierce-hearted, quietly courageous, deeply good daughter, was marrying Sara. And I had something I needed to say. Not just to them, but to the room.
The wedding was held at a summer church camp in Minnesota, tucked between tall pines and soft, shimmering lake water. And every part of the weekend reflected exactly who Emily and Sara are: playful and purposeful, rooted in love, and deeply connected to the people around them.
They thought of everything: for the reception there was a table of their favorite snacks, Goldfish crackers, M&M’s, and sour gummy worms (a personal favorite of mine, too). A table filled with board games for guests to play. The bookmarks at each place setting weren’t just keepsakes; they were tiny pieces of the world Emily and Sara are building together.
Emily and Sara had carefully chosen a book for each table that they thought would resonate with that group of guests. Every little detail held meaning. Even the table cards and colors reflected the landscapes of the Pacific Northwest they love so much, watercolor mountains, forests, cool streams. It wasn’t loud. It wasn’t flashy. It was them.
This wedding wasn’t just beautiful. It was intentional, in the way they live, and in the way they love.
Emily has always had that in her. Even as a kid, she had this calm sense of direction. She didn’t rush or posture or follow the crowd. She just knew who she was, and she followed that. She became a teacher not because it was easy, but because she believed it mattered. And she’s the kind of teacher who truly sees her students, who gives her all, even when it costs her. She went into the Peace Corps in her twenties, and when disaster struck, a hurricane, an evacuation, a heart-wrenching reassignment, she stayed. She showed up. She endured it all with quiet resilience and came back even stronger.
And then came Sara. Brilliant, funny, grounded Sara, who also lives a life of purpose. She’s a pastor, yes, but more importantly, she’s someone who listens deeply, holds space for others, and speaks with both conviction and kindness. The two of them together are something rare: not just in love, but in partnership. They respect each other. They make each other laugh. They build each other up.
The room that day was filled with people from all corners of their lives, friends from college, seminary, Seattle, kickball leagues, faith communities, and chosen families who traveled long distances just to be there. That alone says so much. It’s one thing to be loved. It’s another to be followed across the country by people who want to celebrate with you. They showed up because Emily and Sara have always shown up for them.
And then there was me, standing in the reception hall, hands shaking as I held the microphone, heart full. Cade, my husband, sat at a nearby table as I spoke, and I was struck by the quiet symbolism of it all: two queer couples, one generation apart, in a shared space of belonging.
I didn’t say anything political. I didn’t need to. I just told the truth.
I spoke about who Emily is. About who Sara is. And about the deep pride and joy I feel watching them walk into a future they’re building with open hands and strong hearts.
But the part that will stay with me wasn’t just the beauty of the day. It was what it meant to stand there, as a gay man and a dad, and speak the truth of what I saw: two people in love. Two women who balance each other, grow together, and show up for each other in ways that are strong, grounded, and very real.
I said it plainly, and I meant every word: You’re not just joining our family. You’ve already been part of it in all the ways that matter.
There were people in that room who may not have been entirely comfortable with what they were witnessing, a queer wedding, two women kissing at the altar, two men holding hands in the front row. But that’s okay.
Sometimes, the most powerful statement isn’t confrontation. It’s presence. It’s speaking your love out loud. It’s raising your glass and offering a blessing, even if your voice shakes.
Sometimes the road we’re on isn’t a highway or a forest path. Sometimes it’s a pause between sentences. A breath before saying the thing you’ve carried in your heart for a long time.
That was the adventure I found myself on last weekend. Not a new state. Not a new sticker on our travel trailer. But something deeper.
A journey into the kind of love that doesn’t just accept, it affirms.
That doesn’t just show up, it speaks up.
That doesn’t just exist quietly in the background, but shines.
I only made it four words in before the tears came. I had to turn away, breathe, and gather myself. Then I kept going, slowly, intentionally, because what I had to say mattered.
When I finished, there wasn’t a dry eye in the room.
And I know that for anyone who might have been unsure about what they were witnessing, they saw something undeniable that day: the love surrounding Emily and Sara. The truth of their connection. The way their people showed up and stood tall beside them.
I didn’t speak to change anyone’s mind. I spoke because love deserved to be spoken for.
And I think… it was.
—R. Michael
Beautiful ❤️
Beautiful!